- I am so thankful for social media right now. I have been able to join amazing support groups, virtually "meet" people from all over the place and develop strong relationships with these amazing woman. I have even been able to physically meet a few local Trisomy 18 moms who have given me amazing guidance and support throughout this journey. Most have lost their beautiful babies, but one is still fighting at the hospital and will be 7 weeks old tomorrow!
- Social media would never have allowed me to share our story the way we have. Every "like" we see on the Micah's Fight Facebook Page (www.facebook.com/micahsfight) brings a smile to our face. I can't believe in just a week we are well over 250 people rooting for Micah. I love seeing familiar faces, as well as names I've never seen before. I pray everyday that Micah's story is touching lives and inspiring others. I pray we have opportunities to do this on larger scales and allow Micah's story to inspire many more. The stories people share with us really help us move forward with a smile :)
- Earlier last week was scary- I was having a hard time standing or doing really anything without losing my breath and becoming exhausted. It only lasted for a few days, but was absolutely terrifying. I felt like myself again on Thursday, but I thought that was the new normal and it was very scary.
- I don't know one person that didn't have any discomforts during pregnancy or birth. The thing that helps going through the aches, pains, lack of sleep, frequent bathroom trips, trouble breathing, weight gain, and other body changes is knowing that you get your "consolation prize" or reward for all the discomforts- you have a child. It's so much harder going through all this knowing the chance we will leave the hospital empty-handed is much greater than the possibility of going home with a thriving Micah. I pray we are able to continue this pregnancy without further complications, and that we will at least be able to meet Micah alive, and introduce him to others.
- I've been going to a few baby showers lately for second babies. Before I knew of Micah's diagnosis, I would have never expected a baby shower. Justin and Micah would be just under two years apart, and due around the same time of the year. We have kept everything from Justin in storage so other than a few things- we really have the majority of what we would have needed. Now that I'm attending these showers, it makes me so sad we won't have our own. Not because I didn't want one- but because the circumstances surrounding our situation. I've mentioned that we haven't purchased anything for Micah and are not preparing a nursery. I can't imagine losing a child, but I'd imagine that having a bunch of "stuff" and a full nursery for a baby that will never wear those clothes, or sleep in that nursery, or need those diapers, would be way too much for me to handle. The only things I can imagine buying for this pregnancy Micah are all sentimental and necessary things. We won't be stocking up on diapers- but I'd like to find a special outfit to photograph Micah in that Matt and I can pick out together- no idea where they even sell Preemie outfits? I want to find a cute "Big Brother" outfit for Justin that he will hopefully be able to meet Micah in. Maybe personalized blankets or other things that I can remember him by. Things that if he didn't make it, I could keep a beautiful memory box for him. Something I could turn to when I needed to feel close to him when he was physically gone. A memory book of some sort with quotes or nice things people have said to us... I don't know. Just things to celebrate Micah. I'm rambling again.
- With the last post above- I want to be very clear about something. My situation will NEVER take away the joy I feel for my loved ones with their healthy pregnancies and newborns. When I go to a baby shower- I do not feel any less joy for you because of what's going on with me. In fact, this pregnancy has really shown me just how amazing and miraculous the whole pregnancy process is. I know those who I see frequently know this- but please don't hide your pregnancy or anything from me.
- Please don't be afraid to ever ask about Micah (by name or otherwise). You will never offend us or make us sad. You can't say the wrong thing. Silence from those we care about is honestly the hardest thing we've had to deal with. It makes us feel like you don't care. Not everyone is good with words. I never know what to say. As long as you are coming from a good place- just know that the only wrong thing to say is nothing. If you have a question- ask it. We enjoy talking about Micah. We hate feeling like the elephant in the room that everyone avoids.
- We have been getting so many thoughtful cards, letters, and gifts. We can't thank everyone enough. I can't believe how thoughtful some of our friends are. I've wanted to post pictures of everything we've been receiving, but I've been afraid of how it may make us appear so I haven't. I just want to show how appreciative we are.
- It's not all sunshine and rainbows. I know that Matt and I generally appear to be happy and positive. We strive to be like this. I try to stay upbeat as I'm terrified of falling into a depression or not being the best mom and wife I can. With that said, this entire situation sucks. We are devastated every day. We fall more in love with Micah everyday and it makes it so much harder to imagine the inevitable. We don't know how our journey will end. That's terrifying. We don't know if we will fall in the majority who delivers a stillborn baby either pre-term, or at the end of our 40 weeks, or the small minority who bring their babies home from the hospital. It feels like we have so much time left in our pregnancy, but we also know that July is just around the corner and each day could be our last. We want to spend as much time with Micah as we can- but the only thing that scares us more than how we would handle losing a child- is how we would handle having a surviving, very sick, very special needs child. I can say this now as I've never laid eyes on Micah, but it honestly terrifies us. I just want to meet Micah. I want to love him, and hold him, and kiss him, and I want Matt to feel him move around like I am blessed enough to everyday.
- Shocking- my "quick thoughts" weren't exactly quick, but I do feel better getting a lot of thoughts "onto paper" instead of running circles in my head.
- We have our next appointment this Wednesday, April 9. This appointment will be with our high-risk doctor where we will check to see how Micah is doing. I'm hoping for some more beautiful images- especially the 3D ones :) T18 babies are generally born very small (only 4-5lbs full term) as their growth is very slow. At our last visit four weeks ago, Micah was measuring on track still. We are praying he is still growing at the right rate. The next major worry I have is that at my other appointment two weeks ago, my uterus was measuring three weeks ahead. That's a lot. I'm really worried about the amount of amniotic fluid there is. There are many complications that can be caused by high levels of amniotic fluid- both for me and for the baby. T18 pregnancies are notorious for having very high levels of amniotic fluid. Although it would be a welcome miracle, pray that my measuring three weeks ahead is actually just Micah beating the odds and being a big baby, and not because of extra amniotic fluid.